Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
