Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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