I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
