I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
