You made me cry and you don't even care
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
