I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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