Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
