I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
