You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame - the story of my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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