Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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