i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
