I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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