I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
