We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My nipple is on Facebook.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
