i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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