Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
