Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
