Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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