I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
