I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
