I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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