Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
