hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
