We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
