I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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