margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
