If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
