I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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