bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
