At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
