this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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