He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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