I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize