My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
