I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
