just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
