This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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