Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She said her name was "party"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
