OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
