So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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