Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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