so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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