Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
