I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
