oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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