Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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