ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
