guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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