That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize