There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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