this beer tastes like vomit already
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need water and some morals
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
