If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
