tell your sister to shave her snatch
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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