listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
