Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
