Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Found your dick twin last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
