better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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