I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
