dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
