found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
