You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
