I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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