When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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