I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
