I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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