Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
