either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
