Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
