she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
