I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
