They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
