But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
