Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
