chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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