Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
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My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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