Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
