I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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