Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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