why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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