dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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