really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
