Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
