why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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