Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
