So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
