You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
