If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
