The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
