I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
