At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
