ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
